On True Love

In the Shrek animated Hollywood movie the heroine in search of true love -- so
that she wouldn't change personality between day and night- finds it in the
hero Shrek, whom many consider as ugly, and marries him in the climax. So what
is true love? Is ordinary love, such as we have for our parents, spouses,
children not true, fake, concocted? Then why have true love? Let us see what
attributes are important in love. The first thing is timelessness. Love
transcends time and space. When we love a person, animal or tree, we love it
every instant. There is no scope for true love to diminish, dissipate, decay
over time. We hold on to the loved ones in thick and thin as though we are
immortals, have no disease or untimely death. We love regardless of geography,
where we are living; the national and state boundaries, fences don't matter.
Love is impersonal. We can love a mountain, a tree, a dog, etc. the same way we
love a person. There is no discrimination among the loved ones. The third
aspect of love is unconditionality. There are no pre-nupts, contracts, or
conditions for love. A mother loves her child unconditionally, without
compromise, nor any hesitation. She always sides with her child even when
disaster strikes. This also means non-transactional. There are no checks,
money, property changing hands in true love. The so-called pre-nupts are
contrary to true love. One can say, there is love of business but not true love
for the person they are engaged with. Similarly dowry, divorce, abandonment,
abuse whether physical or psychological, etc. are not part of true love. Most
of the older married people know what this means. While Lord Rama is credited
with the true love of Sita, there are many, perhaps millions, who are married
to one person, such as my parents, and never looked at another woman as a
companion in life's journey. Love is beyond thoughts. Rational thinking has
been promoted since the time of the Greeks. To be scientists, engineers,
physicians, they say, we need to apply rational thinking. Based on one's
profession one becomes mechanical or logical, so carries that into
relationships. You cannot rationalize emotions expressed by your loved ones and
take them to a logical conclusion. You can say my spouse is sad and investigate
the cause and find that she is concerned about your body weight. Beyond that
you cannot rationalize and state your objections to her concern or hide behind
the excuse of freedom as a necessity of life. You are free to eat what you want
and not care about your spouse. But if true love has to be there you don't
entertain such thoughts. True love also transcends age, gender, etc. After all,
single older people and widows need love too. I know people who visit old-age
homes and provide emotional support to the older people without expecting
anything in return. They are doing it out of their love for the seniors. We all
have to age and during old age be able to receive love. True love means
sacrifice. I am not referring to animal sacrifice but giving up things that we
cherish and cling on to, good or bad, for the sake of love. One can give up bad
habits like smoking and drinking when love demands it. There are parents who
love their children but want them to serve in the police force and military to
protect the nation. One can say their love of nation exceeds the love for the
children. In reality, they are making a sacrifice. There are parents who send
their children abroad for education, jobs, etc. by giving them money and
encouragement. There is no trace of selfishness in that. Because during a
calamity the son or daughter living abroad may not be there to help them. They
are sacrificing their personal comfort and financial security to see to it that
their loved ones succeed in life. True love is not about beauty, wealth,
opportunity, or just plain escape from reality. Finally we come to the love of
God. Every religion, hindu, muslim, christianity, buddhism, etc. professes love
for God. Some priests say if you don't love God, there is no salvation.
Devotees like Mira Bhai, Tyagaraja, et al. loved their favorite gods Krishna,
Rama or some other at all times even in duress. Tyagaraja was not known to
abuse Lord Rama because he could not get anything to eat or fell sick one day.
In the extreme, some people say true love exists only in the relationship with
a personal God. Every other kind of love is just a matter of infatuation,
selfishness, reciprocation and convenience. Do we have a biological urge to
give and receive love or is it a mere superficial feature? We know one species
of animals taking care of newborns in another species. Some childless couples
adopt children born to a different couple. There are still others who say love
is chemistry. When we run out of words we make aphorisms and metaphors to save
us the time and energy necessary to describe such an extraordinary thing as
love.